This is a new page! I'm going to fill it with stuff about myself because I have nothing interesting to say! Yet another way to self-promote! Cool! This website is all about me and the things I do! Wow! Everything is about me and what I do! This is my contribution to the internet! Everyone needs to know who I am because the things I do are important and meaningful!
This page uses hip modern slang to tell you all about how awesome I am, click here to take a look through some of the cool projects I've done.
Did you know?! I worked on this one project and it was kind of a big deal. My title at my job is Hacker Magician because I work at a Startup and when you work at a Startup, there are no rules and the points don't matter. Yeah basically we just get like organic shade-grown fair trade Apple computers and our boss orders lunch from this one catering place cause he'd rather have us stay in the office and work while we eat than escape the forced team friendship he's been meticulously enforcing since the company I work for was founded in 2009 (well technically we pivoted like five times and the most recent was in 2013 and we used to be a SaaS shop but now we make apps that other overpaid hacker programmer unicorns can use to network their cool shoulderbag with their tablet and an alarm goes off if you left it on the coffee table and make it more than five feet out the door [the next patch makes it eight]).
But I'm really glad that we've got unlimited vacation because I wasn't going to use it anyway -- I'm really needed at Startup. It takes three hours alone to figure out what framework or shitty re-configuration of Javascript we're gonna use because the whole industry (what it's called again? Solving White Professional Male Problems?) is worried it'll take too much time and slow down development on existing projects too much to nuke that shit from orbit and build a web language that does what you want it to the first time without all the ball tickling.